Don’t like your engagement ring? Relationship experts reveal what you need to do!

two hands holding one has engagement ring on

A marriage proposal is filled with an overwhelming amount of emotion and is a moment both you and your partner will remember forever. But once the initial rush fades, what if you come to terms with the fact that the ring placed on your finger isn't what you envisioned it to look like?

Leading diamond jewellers, Diamonds Factory, teamed up with relationship experts Georgia Sturmer and Sharin Shafer, who have shared their top 3 tips on how to handle this delicate situation in the best way possible.

head shot of woman

Relationship expert - Georgia Sturmer:
1. Figure out the 'why'
"Perhaps you had a gut feeling when you first saw the ring. If this is the case, give yourself time to process what happened and objectively look at the jewellery on your finger. If you didn't like it when you saw it, take time to figure out why. It's likely to be different in some way from what you imagined it to be, and it might just take a little time to get used to. Figure out what it is that bothers you—is it the colour, shape, size, style, or cost? Once you've figured that out, take some time to understand what that means for you."

2. Turn down the noise from those around you
"While you're trying to understand your own reactions, make sure that you 'turn down the noise'. In everyday life, we are so used to looking outward, whether that is to our friends, family, colleagues, social media, or beyond. We've become used to taking other people's views into account, whether they are real or imagined, and often seek other people's approval to help us decide what looks good, what is acceptable, and what we deserve. If there's something in your head that is telling you that the ring isn't quite right, then make sure that it's your own genuine opinion - not something that is built on other people's expectations. There are only two people that matter in this dialogue, and that's you and your partner."

3. Put yourself in your partner's shoes
"At this stage, you should know your partner well enough to understand how they might respond, so before you broach the topic, think about how your partner might feel, as having the ability to think in this mindset will help you guide you on how to execute this conversation. Maybe they will have struggled to make the choice, and they will be relieved that you'd like to offer some input, or perhaps they are confident in the ring that they have selected, and they will be shocked to learn that you don't like it. Maybe you even have a sense that they don't really like the ring either, but it's all that they can afford at the moment."

"There's no guarantee that your partner will react in the same way you might think they will, but anticipating different possibilities and approaching the conversation in a way that aligns with how you have dealt with difficult situations in the past will make the conversation much easier to tackle."

Extra tip? Find the right moment
"There's no one-size-fits-all approach to this conversation. Once you've gently explained that the ring isn't what you had in mind, tune in to what feels right. Your partner might need some time to absorb what's going on, or it might feel right to suggest an alternative option immediately. Choose a calm, peaceful moment when it's just the two of you together. It's possible that they will feel embarrassed or defensive, and it's much kinder to start this conversation without an audience. Marriage and relationships are full of ups and downs, so this is an opportunity to practise and role-model the open and honest communication that lies at the heart of a healthy relationship."

woman dressed in black sat on steps outside door

Relationship expert - Sharin Shafer:
1. Don't panic!
"I know this sounds like a challenging one to start with, and the initial instinct might be to panic or overthink; however, reacting impulsively might not lead to the best outcome. Instead, start by having a casual conversation with your partner about the ring. Ask your partner to tell you the story of why they chose that particular ring, as perhaps there is a deeper meaning. Maybe the design reminded them of you or your relationship, or it resembles a ring once worn by a beloved relative. Once you understand their reasoning, perhaps you may see the ring differently."

2. Be open-minded and give yourself time
"Keep the ring on your finger for a few days and see if it can WOW you. Check out how it looks on your finger in different lights and environments; it may be that the place where your now-fiancé proposed didn't show it off to the best effect. Perhaps it catches the light beautifully outdoors or looks incredible with the colours you most often wear. Try to be open-minded about the situation, but if you're still struggling to see past it, then it is time to have the discussion with your partner."

3. Choose a wedding ring you love
"All hope is not lost if you're not totally in love with your engagement ring. Take this as an opportunity to have a conversation with your partner about the next ring—your wedding ring, and make your preferences clear. Both wedding and eternity bands can be worn around the engagement ring to frame them and offset the appearance of the engagement ring to the best effect. This may have a big impact on how you feel about your engagement ring!"

About Sharin Shafer
Sharin was married in her early 20s and was one half of Houston’s power couples, who were a firm fixture on the Texas social scene. By her mid-40s and with a hugely successful career, she had divorced and was resolutely focused on her daughters and her career as a sought-after business consultant. However, as she paired up friends and watched them marry, she herself soon fell in love again- with Stephen, a dashing lawyer who split his time between Europe, the UK and the Middle East. Marrying him last summer and embracing her inner romantic, she turned her attention to establishing Bond, The Agency so that she could help others find love, whatever their age and situation in life! 

About Georgia Sturmer
Georgina Sturmer is a Counsellor and a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, working online with clients across the UK. Georgina specialises in supporting women through the challenges that they may face during different parts of their lives, including anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, trauma and loss. You can find out more about her at 

www.georginasturmer.co.uk

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